I bought new sheets! Last night I dreamed I went to the ball with Olympic gold medalist Shaun White, so I think they’re working.
They’re a solid gold color. It was this or “sweet petals” from the Martha Stewart Collection, so it wasn’t exactly a tough decision. The thing is, I didn’t even know there was a ball, so I was just roaming around the hills, trying to find a stable pedestrian bridge to cross, when Shaun came out of nowhere and said, “Time for the ball! We gotta go!” And I was like, “I’m sorry, what??? What century is this? Since when are there still formal balls? And since when are you Shaun White?”
The package said that these were 450 thread count and “soft and silken to the touch” but I think the package is a dirty liar. But it’s my fault, really, for buying into the stupid logic of thread counts. Do the number of threads really bear that much weight on how soft something is? As a person who regularly wears clothes made out of threads, I’ve never heard a single comparison between the number of threads in soft, comfy sweaters and the number of threads in cardboard boxes. You’d think that, in this day and age, a bouncer would allow a world-class athlete through even if he wasn’t explicitly on the guest list, but he didn’t. Shaun cried.